When Friends of Trees, Portland’s nonprofit tree-planting group, came to my neighborhood in 2017, I got a beautiful street tree for $35. I wanted two trees, two different varieties, but I could only decide on one: a silver-leaved oak (Quercus hypoleucoides). I considered buying a parrotia for another $35, but I couldn’t decide if that was what I really wanted. So, the other slot on my Hellstrip was empty.
Until two years later.
In the fall of 2019, I went plant shopping with my friends Alan and Patricia and saw a Texas oak (fusiform oak). Honestly, I didn’t know anything about Texas oaks, but you know how some plants just talk to you? This one said: “Amy, look no further. “I’m exactly what you need.” One hundred and ninety-five dollars, but it was on sale for 25% off – that’s less than $150 dollars! Not bad. Unfortunately, I couldn’t get it at that time. The city of Portland requires a permit for all new street trees, so I wanted to get that first. Texas live oak is not on the list of approved street trees, so I wanted to make sure I wouldn’t be fined for planting it.
When the city issued my permit a month later, I ran back to the nursery and picked out my tree. At the time, I had missed out on the deal, but I got a 10% discount thanks to my HPSO membership. It came out to $175.50. I felt satisfied. I took it home.
My tree had been heavily staked. I knew I needed to free him from his bondage, but I also knew I would fail if I let him go completely, so I left the wooden stake in place when I planted him and cut all but one of the restraints. A few days later, easterly winds hit my neighborhood and broke the stake at the base. The tree fell. I headed to the big orange box.
Of course, it’s a fool’s errand to go to Home Depot for a metal stake ($4.50), so I also bought a new garden hose ($49), two pairs of gloves ($12), and two bags of mulch ($8). Ok, so my $175 tree had become a $249 tree. But the project was done.
Or so I thought.
Later that month, I received a letter from the city of Portland. In it, I discovered that the day I went to pick up my tree, I also received a speeding ticket from Photo Enforcement. Thirty-one out of 20. A fine of one hundred and seventy-five dollars.
The letter said I could pay $125 and keep the ticket off my record if I took a 90-minute driving safety class. I was instructed to call the DMV to make sure I qualified, that is, to make sure I had not received any speeding tickets in the last three years. I was almost sure not, but I called anyway. The lady on the phone said, “No, you have no tickets, but did you realize your license is suspended?”
I did not.
Turns out I had been suspended since I failed to report a fender bender two years earlier. He said they had sent me three notices, but I never received them. I had moved five years earlier and had never been able to notify the DMV of my change of address. Oops.
So, that day I took the bus ($5) to the DMV. I took a number, waited an hour for my number to be called, turned in my accident form, and paid a late fee to have my license reinstated ($75).
The icing on the cake came a few weeks later, after I had completed my traffic safety class ($125). I received a message from Verizon stating that I had exceeded my data usage limit and that they were charging me an additional $15. While waiting at the DMV, I turned off the Wi-Fi feature on my phone and never turned it back on. At home, instead of using Wi-Fi, I was still using data. Which brought the total for my tree buying adventure to $469. Well, at least the ordeal was over.
Or so I thought.
The following spring, my tree had no leaves. My live oak was a dead oak. Asking for a refund was out of the question. As a former nursery director, former certified arborist, and current plant know-it-all, I couldn’t ask for a refund for a tree that was healthy when I purchased it. I had to accept responsibility for having done something wrong. Maybe too much water or not enough? I don’t know. Obviously, I don’t know anything about Texas oaks.
Back to the nursery I went, and this time I got a parrotia! For $120.00. Which brings the grand total for my adventure to $589.00. That is, as long as it comes out this spring.
We’ll see.
